My Story
My Story
From the ashes of the ego rises the identity
"I filled unmet childhood needs with a series of co-dependent relationships in adulthood."
My Journey
Enough
I’m John. I’ll be 45 in a few months (Feb 2025), which I’m somehow dreading more than when I was turning 40. I live in Knoxville, TN but originally grew up on the CT/NY border. I went to high school in CT, but used to work in Manhattan. And THAT explanation right there sums me up in a nutshell.
What I mean by that is my whole life has been lived in this gray area. I lived in Connecticut but worked in NYC. I’m technically in sales, but my job is training and development. I’m Episcopal (Catholic Lite) but my spirituality is not singularly Christian. And most importantly, I’m male, but have struggled my whole life feeling like a man. That’s not to say I have gender issues, it means I’ve always felt like a boy that never matured to be a man. Peter Pan syndrome I guess.
I’ve been married to my wonderful and supportive wife for 18 years. I have a son that just turned 13 and my life’s mission is to install a healthy sense of identity in him. Something my father was incapable of doing for me, or even himself.
I’ve struggled my whole life to feel like I’m “enough”. Not tall enough, muscular enough, athletic enough, in shape enough, smart enough, successful, motivated enough, tough enough, and certainly never MAN enough.
In the words of Justin Baldwin, “ENOUGH! I’m tired of not being enough.”
In the last 18 months, after a pretty intense and unexpected fallout with a best friend, I’ve been on a “journey” to figure out who I even am. On that journey, I’ve picked therapy back up, read books, binged podcasts, joined men’s groups, been on a retreat, and met tons of men who to my surprise are JUST LIKE ME! I’ve healed, grown, experienced and learned a lot and am ready to share everything with men who are ready and willing. I’ve started to coach men and lead retreats to try and pay forward the lessons and experiences that have helped me get to where I am today.
If you've ever felt like you don't belong, or like you don't know who you are when you're not being who everyone else needs you to be, then take this journey with me!
